How I Respond To Bullying

I’m that parent who has 2 different types of kids. One who could easily be a bully and one who is easily bullied. Trust me, it’s hard. I’m either giving the bully child crap and explaining how that behavior is not okay or I am hugging my bullied child and helping her feel better.

Bullying is NEVER okay. EVER. I’m sure we all know that by now. At least we all should. Especially with how to respond to bullying. Though how I respond is the harder part. What do I tell my kid who’s being bullied? How can I help them? How can I make them happy? How do I explain to my bully child it’s not okay and teach them the right way? All these questions are hard to answer and I’m gonna do my best to explain how I respond to bullying.

My 10 year old is the one who tends to be “bullied.” I don’t know for sure if it’s considered “being bullied” or some girls in her class are just not nice to her. She does have her small circle of friends and there are some in the class that aren’t the nicest. And what annoys me are her close friends can be a little mean to her too when they hang out with the “bully.”

Now, do the girls who aren’t nice learn this behavior at home? I would say maybe yes for some, but not for all. Think of it this way. One girl could be the main culprit in the bullying behavior and may have learnt it from home, but the other girls are acting that way BECAUSE they’re hanging with this girl. It’s influence. These girls are young; 10 years old give or take. I don’t think it’s fully considered “bullying,” but if the behavior isn’t fixed and continues, they may just turn into being a full out bully – and I hope not.

When my 10 year old comes to the car upset or sad, I know usually what happened was a girl or few weren’t the nicest. I explain to her that not everyone needs to be friends. Now of course they shouldn’t be mean either and that is what is NOT okay. Or she will tell me they all ganged up on her or all told the teacher on her about something not true. Basically, petty crap.

This is what boggles me. They’re young little girls. Why the need to be mean or gang up against someone? I honestly don’t remember this stuff when I was her age. Is it the parents? Or is it environmental influence? I wish I had the answers to that for these specific kids.

When she explains for example “this girl said that I couldn’t play with her slime, but the rest of the class can…”, wanna know my response? I tell her “tell them you don’t need to play with something that was passed around a million hands and got all nasty.״ Or she will say “so and so said I can’t sit next to her.” My response? “Don’t want to… Bye Felicia!” She looks at me and just laughs and says “how do you come up with this stuff.” I tell her she’s gotta be like her mama and learn the come backs LOL! I am not telling her to respond mean, but show them that she just DOES NOT CARE – so they get ZERO satisfaction.

Now I know what you may be thinking. That’s not okay to say too.. or is it? Well it’s okay. It’s her sticking up for herself and showing these girls that what they say or do to her doesn’t bother her. When a bully sees the person they’re mean to get worked up about what they’re doing or saying to them, they continue. If they see they don’t get worked up, they just get pissed it’s not working and will hopefully and eventually stop. Fingers Crossed!

Yes, yes. Don’t worry. I always bring it up to the teachers and thankfully she has amazing teachers year by year who always look into it and keep me updated and in the loop. Last year was an intense year for her and the girls. It was to the point I had a meeting with the principles and teachers because her grades got so bad – and she’s a smart kid who never got bad grades. She just lost all motivation for school because of how these girls were treating her.

At the meeting, one of her teachers to every situation I was told about said “I saw what happened and Adela hardly ever starts any of it.” Praise her! They basically brought me in and felt that therapy would help her. I had her put in therapy once a week per the schools request to help her deal with being “bullied.”

Okay great! Therapy it was. Her learning to cope with bullying is good and beneficial, but not always the answer. I feel the mean girls should be the ones in therapy because if they’re taught to be nicer, than none of this would ever happen and everyone would be happy go lucky.

Obviously everything got better since she went to therapy for months, but this year, there are still issues. Thankfully, nothing severe. And I’ll be honest: if therapy for her is brought up again, I’ll straight up say to them that I feel the girls being mean to her should get the therapy. I honestly don’t need to be paying $160/week for therapy again when the mean girls will continue being mean.

How I respond to her getting bullied you may want to know? I make her laugh. I give her some good “age appropriate” come backs. She thinks they’re hysterical. I wonder if she uses them LOL. And I always, ALWAYS explain to her that she should still be the sweet nice girl she is regardless of those “bullies.” Show them what being nice is. Maybe they’ll take those tips from her and apply them to their own behavior. {She is the type to play with anyone if at the park etc. She has no mean bone in her – unless of course someone is irritating her LOL}

As for my 8 year old? She seems the type to be a bully and I’m doing everything I can to stop it NOW. It definitely doesn’t come from home (if you know my husband and I personally, you know) and I feel it may be from a friend of her influencing her. Why? Because she got in trouble for something she did to another girl and told me this friend told her to do it. I’m like great, listen to another 8 year old, why not?!

I explain to her all the time how we need to be nice. If I catch her, I stop her. I don’t let that crap slide. For instance, I caught her saying to another kid “you can’t play with us.” What did I do? Went to her and said “Excuse me? How about you cant play. How does that sound?” She said “not good.” Damn right not good. She got the point and let this other kid play. It’s ALL PLAY OR NO PLAY.

I always tell her being mean is not okay because she’ll be considered a bully. She actually doesn’t like that term. So that’s a good thing. She has been better thankfully and I’m working on getting her fully out of bully mode. I ain’t got time for that!

Now don’t get me wrong. There were times where she came home upset girls were mean to her. Not bullying, just mean. I sat and talked with her and she understood how this feeling isn’t a good feeling and that helped her stop being mean herself to others. Sometimes you gotta learn the hard way.

Oh, oh!!! Happy mommy moment that recently happened! So my 8 year old who usually gangs up with others against her sister…didn’t. She actually STUCK UP for her. I saw it. I heard it. I smiled. It literally melted my heart. And I knew right then, she is getting on the right track. Because hey, siblings gotta have each others backs!

We may have kids who are be like my 10 year old or maybe my 8 year old. It’s all in how we as parents respond. And every kid is different in the response they need to help them, so what works for me may not work for someone else and vice versa. The first step is try the simple things I did or google more ways. I’m sure there are TONS that will come up. Or maybe you’re the lucky parent who has a kid that’s neither mean or bullied.

As long as we take the situation seriously, we can fix everything. Trust me. Kids will listen to their parents. But it needs to be done at a younger age. I feel once they’re older, say teens, that may be harder. Just be the best parent you can be for your kid and everything will all work out!

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